Parental conflict is an inevitable part of some relationships, especially during and after divorce or separation. While it’s natural for adults to experience disagreements, involving children in these disputes can have a significant and lasting negative impact on their well-being and development. In this blog, we’ll explore the dangers of parents involving children in parental conflict and why it’s crucial to shield children from it.

Emotional and Psychological Impact

  1. Stress and Anxiety: Children who witness parental conflict can experience heightened stress and anxiety. Constant exposure to arguments, hostility, or tension between parents can create a sense of insecurity and unpredictability, leading to emotional distress and difficulty coping with daily life.
  2. There are many psychological effects that exposure to adult conflict could create. If your children have been or are being exposed to conflict, consider involving a mental health professional who can help your children. This should be a trained therapist who can create a safe environment for your child to express and deal with the emotions they are feeling about their parents’ conflict.

Emotional Burden: Children may feel responsible for resolving parental conflicts or for the well-being of their parents. This emotional burden can affect their self-esteem, which can lead to other issues that should be addressed with a mental health professional. causing feelings of guilt, helplessness, or inadequacy.

Behavioral and Social Effects

  1. Behavioral Issues: Exposure to parental conflict may be linked to an increased risk of behavioral problems in children. They may exhibit aggression, defiance, withdrawal, or difficulty concentrating at school or in social settings.
  2. Impact on Relationships: Children learn about relationships and conflict resolution by observing their parents. Witnessing unhealthy conflict management can normalize destructive behaviors and affect their ability to form healthy relationships in the future.

Academic and Cognitive Consequences

  1. Academic Performance: Children distracted by parental conflict may struggle to focus on schoolwork and academic achievement. Chronic stress and emotional turmoil can impair cognitive abilities, memory, and problem-solving skills. 

Protecting Children from Parental Conflict

  1. Co-Parenting Strategies: Focus on effective co-parenting strategies that prioritize children’s well-being, such as communication, cooperation, and conflict resolution outside of children’s presence.
  2. Seek Support: Parents can benefit from counseling, mediation, or parenting classes to learn healthier ways to manage conflict and support their children’s emotional needs.
  3. Create a Safe Environment: Shield children from adult conflicts by maintaining a peaceful home environment and avoiding arguments or discussions about sensitive issues in their presence.
  4. Call a Pro: There’s no shame in asking for help. If you can acknowledge that your children have been or are exposed to parental conflict, get them to speak to someone who can help them. Therapists who specialize in children/adolescents and family dynamics can be a tremendous tool. 


In conclusion, parental conflict can have profound and lasting effects on children’s emotional, psychological, behavioral, and social development. By recognizing the dangers of involving children in parental conflict and taking proactive steps to shield them from such situations, parents can nurture a supportive and stable environment that promotes children’s well-being and resilience. Prioritizing healthy communication, cooperation, and seeking professional support when needed can mitigate the negative impact of parental conflict and foster a nurturing environment where children can thrive emotionally and academically.  I focus a good part of my coaching practise on working with divorcing parents so that they can learn positive coping skills and communication styles to achieve a healthy co-parenting relationship. 

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