Hiring a lawyer can feel like a huge relief. After weeks or months of uncertainty, you finally have someone “on your side.” It often feels like the moment things should start getting easier.
But for many people going through separation or divorce, that relief is quickly followed by a new wave of questions:
What happens next?
What am I supposed to be doing now?
Why do I still feel overwhelmed if I’ve done the “right” thing?
If that’s you — you’re not alone.
Step One: Understand What Your Lawyer Does (and Doesn’t)
Your lawyer’s role is critical. They handle the legal side of your separation:
rights and obligations
court processes
agreements
deadlines and filings
Legal strategy and negotiation
But here’s something many people don’t realize until they’re already deep into the process:
Your lawyer can’t carry the emotional weight of your separation for you.
They’re trained to solve legal problems; not to help you regulate stress, rebuild confidence, or navigate the day-to-day reality of co-parenting, communication, and decision-making under pressure.
That’s not a failure of the system or a failure of your lawyer. It’s just not their job.
Step Two: Prepare for the Emotional Whiplash
Once lawyers are involved, things often start moving faster and slower at the same time.
Faster, because:
emails start flying
documents appear
timelines become real
Slower, because:
outcomes take time
negotiations stall
uncertainty lingers
This can create even more emotional stress. One day you feel empowered. The next, you feel exhausted, angry, or completely stuck. This emotional rollercoaster is quite normal. You’re human and the legal process is intense, regardless of how amicable you and your spouse are (or not).
Step Three: Learn the Difference Between Legal Strategy and Life Strategy
A lawyer helps you answer questions like:
What am I entitled to?
What are my options under the law?
What’s the best legal move?
But you also need support to answer questions like:
What kind of co-parent do I want to be?
How do I communicate without things exploding?
How do I protect my peace?
How do I rebuild my life?
That’s where many people feel lost because no one tells you that separation isn’t just a legal transition.
It’s a life transition.
Step Four: Build Your Support Team
Think of your lawyer as one essential piece of your puzzle.
You may also need:
emotional support
practical guidance
help with communication strategies
clarity around boundaries
a safe place to process fear, anger, grief, and guilt
When you surround yourself with the right support, you stop expecting your lawyer to do everything and start giving yourself what you actually need to move forward. You’ll also start saving money by using your lawyer for only what they’re good at!
Step Five: Remember That You’re in Control
One of the biggest fears people have after hiring a lawyer is losing control of their story. Suddenly, everything feels formal, official, and out of your hands.
What many people don’t understand is that your lawyer takes instructions from you. It’s your job to be able to provide them with clear instructions. You can only do that, when you collect the other puzzle pieces.
You are still the expert on your life.
Your lawyer works for you.
Your future still belongs to you.
And you still get to decide what kind of person you want to be through this process
Where Divorce Coaching Fits In
This is exactly where divorce coaching comes in.
Not instead of a lawyer but alongside one.
Divorce coaching supports you in the places the legal system can’t:
managing emotional overwhelm
preparing for difficult conversations
setting boundaries that protect your energy
staying grounded during conflict
making decisions that align with your values
At Reconstructing Happy, my work is about helping you feel steady, supported, and empowered while your legal process unfolds so you’re not just surviving your separation, but actually rebuilding your life with intention. Reconstructing your happy.
Hiring a lawyer is an important step, but learning how to live through this chapter is just as important.
And you don’t have to do that part alone.