Navigating holidays after divorce is hard, especially ones like Mother’s Day and Father’s Day, which are centered around family and appreciation. If you share children with your ex, you might find yourself wondering: Should I get them a gift?
It’s a small question with big emotional weight. You’re no longer a couple, but you’re still connected—forever—through your kids. So, what’s the “right” thing to do?
Let’s unpack it.
1. It’s Not About Your Relationship—It’s About the Kids
Mother’s Day and Father’s Day are meant to celebrate a parent’s role in a child’s life. Divorce doesn’t change the fact that your ex is your child’s parent. A small gift or gesture, on behalf of your child, can model empathy, maturity, and respect.
You’re not giving the gift as a former partner. You’re doing it as a co-parent, helping your child show appreciation to someone they love.
2. It Teaches Your Children Emotional Intelligence
Children learn by example. When they see you helping them pick out a card or wrap a gift for your ex, they learn that love and respect don’t have to disappear after conflict. They learn how to be kind, even when it’s hard. That’s a powerful lesson.
It also spares them the awkward feeling of wanting to celebrate their other parent but not knowing how, or feeling caught in the middle.
3. A Gift Doesn’t Have to Be Grand
You don’t need to break the bank or be overly sentimental. A simple card, a handmade drawing, a favorite snack, or even just organizing a phone call or visit can mean a lot—especially when it comes from your child. If your child is old enough, let them take the lead and support their effort.
The point is thoughtfulness, not extravagance.
4. It Can Support a Healthier Co-Parenting Relationship
Let’s be honest: co-parenting isn’t always easy. But small acts of kindness—like helping your child celebrate the other parent—can soften tension and build goodwill. That kind of respect goes a long way, especially in times of disagreement down the road.
Even if you’re not friends, showing respect can help keep the tone civil, and make transitions smoother for everyone.
5. But—You Don’t Have to Do It
This isn’t a guilt trip. If your relationship with your ex involves emotional abuse, manipulation, or deep unresolved trauma, you’re under no obligation to buy them a gift. Your emotional safety matters, too.
There are other ways to support your child in celebrating the day, like helping them make a card without involving yourself directly. Boundaries are healthy and necessary, and celebrating the day doesn’t have to mean crossing them.
6. Ask Yourself: What Will My Child Remember?
Years from now, your child won’t remember the brand of the gift. But they will remember the atmosphere: Was it tense? Did they feel like they were disappointing one parent by loving the other? Or did they feel supported, free to express love without guilt?
You get to shape that memory.
Final Thoughts
Buying your ex a gift for Mother’s Day or Father’s Day isn’t about rekindling a relationship—it’s about nurturing the one you both still have: your child.
If you can do it from a place of kindness and with your child’s well-being at heart, it can be a small gesture that speaks volumes. But if the past is still too raw, that’s okay too. Supporting your child doesn’t mean ignoring your own needs.
As with everything in parenting after divorce, the answer isn’t one-size-fits-all. But when in doubt, lead with grace—and keep the focus on your kids. They’re watching, learning, and growing every step of the way.