1. We Need You Both—Even If You’re Not Together
Children, regardless of age, often want to maintain strong relationships with both parents. Divorce can make kids feel like they’re being forced to “choose sides.” One of the most important messages kids want to send is: Don’t make us choose. We want to love both of you without guilt, and we need to feel safe doing that.
2. Please Don’t Fight in Front of Us
Seeing parents argue—especially about us—is confusing and painful. We internalize your anger and often blame ourselves for your fighting. Even when it’s not about us, it feels like it is. We want peace, not to be stuck in the middle of your conflict.
3. Keep the Adult Stuff Between Adults
We don’t need to know all the details. Who cheated, who hurt who, who pays what—we’re kids. It puts a weight on our shoulders we’re not built to carry. What we need is stability, love, and reassurance, not adult drama.
4. Listen to How We Feel
Sometimes we cry, act out, or shut down—not because we’re being difficult, but because we don’t know how to process what’s happening. Please ask us how we’re doing, and really listen. Don’t assume we’re “fine” just because we’re not talking.
5. We’re Still the Same Kid—But We’re Hurting
Divorce can make us feel like we’ve lost control over everything. School might get harder. Our mood might change. We might seem different. But deep down, we’re still the same kid—we just need your patience and understanding while we figure things out.
6. Don’t Trash Talk the Other Parent
Even if you’re angry, don’t speak badly about our other parent. That person is half of who we are. When you insult them, it can feel like you’re insulting us. We notice more than you think, and your words can shape how we see ourselves.
7. Consistency and Routines Help Us Feel Safe
Life after divorce can be unpredictable. We might be moving between homes, changing schools, or dealing with new partners. Having some structure—like set schedules, regular check-ins, or family traditions—can help us feel grounded.
8. Let Us Grieve, But Give Us Hope
We’re mourning the family we knew. That grief looks different for every kid—it might show up as sadness, anger, or silence. Don’t try to rush us past it. But also, let us know that things will be okay, and that families can grow in new ways.
9. We’re Watching How You Heal
The way you handle the divorce teaches us how to handle pain, conflict, and love. If you’re kind, resilient, and honest—we learn those things too. If you’re bitter or vengeful, that sticks with us. Your example matters more than you realize.
10. We Just Want to Be Kids
At the end of the day, we want to laugh, play, hang out with friends, and dream big. We didn’t ask for this divorce, but we still want a childhood that’s filled with joy and growth. Help us hold on to that.
Final Thoughts
Divorce is a journey, not a single moment. And for kids, it’s a journey they never chose but still have to walk. As a parent, your love, empathy, and willingness to listen can be the difference between a painful memory and a resilient future. When in doubt, don’t try to be perfect—just be present. That’s what we want most.